The Funniest Fundraising Letter Ever

Note: This letter was posted on a political blog on April 1. Some, understandably enough, questioned its authenticity; however, the same day Public Advocate issued a press release referring to what was posted as a “Public Advocate fundraising letter” and did not refute the authenticity of the letter itself. That press release is available here.

Update: The press release link is dead, but this article in the Loudoun Connection about this letter is not.

Another update: In reference to this letter, Loudoun Insider has won the much sought after Best Blog Comment of August award. Congratulations, LI!

Eugene Delgaudio
Public Advocate of the U.S.
xxxx xxxxxxxx xxxx, xxxxx xx
Falls Church, VA 22041
(703) xxx-xxxx

April 11, 2005

Dear fellow conservative,

Tonight, after a long day of fighting the Radical Homosexuals, I just feel exhausted.

Beaten down, wrung out, and worn to the bone.

This has been a most difficult year.

The radical Homosexual Lobby is more intimidating than ever.

Now, they dare me to stand in their way . . . they laugh, and brag that they have the votes to kill the Federal Marriage Amendment and will legalize homosexual “marriage” state by state.

And they boast about ramming the Gay Bill of Special Rights and Thought Control Bill through Congress even with Republicans in charge . . .

Once again I wonder if Shiela and the children should be here. Once before I had to send my family away to a safe house.

I’ll never forget that time. And what does it say about a ruthless adversary that would attack my family rather than face me?

My friend, without your support during this time I’m not sure that I will be able to manage things.

Never have the Radical Homosexuals and their allies been so vicious, so powerful, and so well financed.


They have been strolling through the Halls of Congress handing out campaign “contributions” like sweet candy, and even some conservative Congressmen have taken the bait.

In fact, one so-called “Republican,” Congressman Jim Kolbe of Arizona has confessed that he is a practicing Homosexual!

And ever since he admitted his perversion, campaign money has poured into his office.

One pro-gay rights committee even handed Kolbe $11,000.

The Homosexuals have welcomed him with open arms, and he is ready to do their bidding.

It is just sad to watch. And believe me, people are watching.

Congressmen and Senators see the power and the riches of the Homosexuals, and they are tempted.

And like serpents with apples, the Radical Homosexuals are in the shadows, making deals and issuing threats.

And those who ignore their siren call are risking their political lives.

My friend, I see what is happening and I am afraid.

Because when I return home from work, long after midnight, I feel like I am trying to hold back the waves on the beach.

The Radical Homosexuals keep coming and coming, and they grow in size daily. This is a time when, if we are not careful everything we have worked for could fall apart.

The insiders whisper that even though President Bush has come out for the Federal Marriage Amendment, he still supports key parts of the Homosexual Agenda. Frankly, I’m not sure what he’s going to do anymore.

I am speaking to you from the heart, my friend.

This time we are facing an enemy who is riding high, and hungry for victims.

And I am nearly at the breaking point.

So I am coming to you, and asking you to help me like never before.

I am asking you to put it on the line for what we believe in.

I am asking you for the strength to carry on.

Because what we are doing has never been so necessary, so important.

And never have the odds been so stacked against us.

At the beginning of this note, I told you how down and tired I have been.

And it is true.

But when things are at their worst, when I just can’t take another step, I think about what Barney Frank, Jim Kolbe, Hillary Clinton and all the other pro-Homosexual Congressmen want to do to America.

I think about their “pet” bill — The “Gay Bill of Special Rights” — and what it will do to America . . . and how close it is to passing.

And how right now, night and day, I’m fighting to kill their evil Thought Control Bill.

Meanwhile, the perversity of so-called homosexual “marriage” is sweeping through America like a plague, and few in Washington seem to want to even fight back.

I know the Homosexual Lobby will stop at nothing.

And I see what their victory will do to the families of America.

And then I reflect on how I will feel if I don’t do everything in my power to stop them. I would never be able to forgive myself. Or look my children in the eye.

And then, from somewhere, I get the energy to carry on, to go forward.

And I rejoin the battle.

So now, I am coming to you.

The simple truth is that I can’t do this alone.

So you now have a choice to make.

Will you join me in making a stand?

You and I have a chance to make history, to stop the Radical Homosexuals just as everything seems lost.

No one thinks we can do it.

Many in “Official” Washington have already given up. But I will not compromise.

I will not “cut deals” with the enemies of the American family.

Never. Ever. Ever.

I will do what is right, and I will always keep my promise to you.

And now the rest is up to you. Because our financial situation is incredibly dangerous.

Now as you know, we have never had the financial resources of the Radical Homosexuals.

We don’t have the limousines, the plush offices, tens of millions from the Hollywood elite or the tax dollars that they have at their disposal.

But that’s OK.

I have always said that with family, faith, and hard work we can accomplish anything.

And in the past, we have.

But now, we are dangerously low on money. And without an emergency gift from you today, our work will be in serious jeopardy.

So can I count on you to make a special, one time gift to my office?

If you could send $1,000 or $500 right now, it would really make a huge difference.

Things are so serious I don’t know what to do, except to turn to prayer and to you.

So please, give what you can.

$200 or $100 would be such a special surprise, and it would be such a Godsend.

I know what a sacrifice this is, and

believe me, if I could pay for this on my own, I would.

But the truth is, I don’t have it, so I am coming to you with open arms.

And this is a struggle for all of us to be a part of.

So whatever you can afford, please send it in immediately.

$75, $50, $25, or any amount you can manage, these are all badly needed.

No matter how discouraged I become at times, I know that what we are doing is important.

I know that we are on the right side.

We are in the lead on this, and we are on the line.

I am here, alone except for your prayers and support, and I am ready for the fight of a lifetime.

The Radical Homosexuals are boasting that they are in the driver’s seat, that no one can stop them, and that the Thought Control Bill is going to be the law of the land and they swear they’ll pass the Gay Bill of Special Rights.

And they brag the Federal Marriage Amendment is going nowhere in Congress.

I have devoted everything in this battle and at times risked my life. And my family has made many great sacrifices too.

You have trusted me, sacrificed to keep our work going and I will never forget what you have done.

And now, our destiny awaits us. This is our time to stand tall.

Join me, and we will make history.

Your friend,

Eugene Delgaudio

P.S. You and I have been through so much together that sometimes it seems like a lifetime.

Once before when my family was away, your support and prayers meant more than ever. Like my own family, you sustain me in this crusade.

The Radical Homosexuals are trying to turn America into a perverted pleasure palace. They hate us for standing in their way, and they have vowed to defeat us.

This will be the battle of a lifetime.

Your maximum gift is absolutely necessary to keeping our struggle alive.

I will be waiting to hear from you.

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