An amendment, not a revision

I just had an ‘aha’ moment. We can solve all the pal’n around with Christianists who hate ‘the gays’ and expensive constitutional amendments and all that angst with a few simple amendments to the bible. Let’s amend it to fit the modern world simply by making men and women equal. The amended bible could be called the Queen James Version (QJV). Here are a couple of amendments to consider:

Change from:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:24-25 KJV

To:

Therefore shall a person leave his family, and shall cleave unto his spouse: and they shall be one flesh.

And they were both naked, the spouses, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:24-25 QJV

Change from:

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
Leviticus 18:22 KJV

To:

Thou shalt not lie with a person to whom thou is not sexually attracted: it is abomination.
Leviticus 18:22 QJV

Works for me.

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3 Responses to An amendment, not a revision

  1. Hm... says:

    See…this is why I can never leave the closet. I mean, nothing in moderation, right?

    As a proponent of equality, I hold tremendous respect for the historical foundation of the Bible. Many lessons in it are what being a “good person” is all about (honesty, charity, financial discipline, etc). Yet if there are parts we don’t like, instead of ignoring them, we want to completely rewrite them.

    I’m not sure what good it does to rile up the other side by making comments like this. And it certainly doesn’t contribute to the “principled discussion” you’re trying to hold here, or to the cause of absolute equality.

    Move beyond the Torah and look at the rest of the book.

  2. David says:

    Hm.., I think there’s probably a reason that this post is tagged “Humor.”

    Do you understand the reference to “amendment, not revision”? We’ll post the link to the oral arguments in California when the video becomes available.

  3. David says:

    Sorry, Hm.. I should have given you a more nuanced response. There are so many in our community who have suffered abuse at the hands of false teachers, and will have nothing to do with the Bible. I’m glad you’re able to find meaning in it. Jesus used the full arsenal of human communication in his mission, including anger, radical compassion, and humor. He also didn’t shy away from riling up the religious authorities.

    If you are in the area, you might like this event, going on this evening:

    The Asphalt Gospel

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